I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
