I wanna passion pit in your ass
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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