Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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