I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
