How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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