Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
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