D3 body, D1 cock
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
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