She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
