I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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