I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
My bed smells like the plague
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
