Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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