Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
