So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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