to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
