i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
