so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
