shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
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