did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
