I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
