dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
