Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Randomize
