Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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