; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
