im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
It's rum buckets o'clock
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
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