It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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