Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
