and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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