wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
