honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
