Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
