dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You may now shotgun with the bride
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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