a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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