So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
