i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
