You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Randomize
