the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
