Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
