Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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