She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
