remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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