I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
