He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
