Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
