How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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