We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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