when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
