Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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