He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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