sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
