i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
