i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
i out mim tonsoeep
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
