Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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